Is beauty skin deep?
Since catching the cold from a family member, succumbing to being unproductive during the Christmas holidays by resting has been further torture. So I decided to clear out my wardrobe and cupboards. I was looking at all the stuff I have accumulated over the years including my make-up and clothes. My absolute favourite French/Portuguese aesthetician who is based in Chelsea has tranformed my skin and my perception about makeup. I will have to do a blog and recommend her soon because the results have been amazing. Her take on make up is that too much (even a vulgar amount) of makeup signified as being older or a prostitute LOL and focuses seventy percent on the lymph nodes along with other techniques to help the skin. The beauty standards varies from culture to culture and has changed over the years. Real beauty can be achieved on a budget, even if there is the money people shouldn’t buy into marketing or social pressure. Most drugstore makeup brands are owned by the same parent company as the expensive brands anyway like Estée Lauder who own Smash Box. The goal I think for every girl is to look good without make up and coming from someone who could not leave the house without it, I can proudly say that this has been one of my accomplishments. I’d thank for completing my liver flushes which I you can find here after all the skin is the largest organ of the body. One of the liver’s functions is regulating hormones. The liver is also responsible for cleansing the blood and detoxification. The liver/gallbladder flushes decongest the liver, so the liver can perform its functions better. A weak liver that fails to handle the increased work load may end up weakening all its functions including blood filtration. The higher than normal toxins and hormones in blood may clog up the hair follicles and sebaceous glands in the skin, causing inflammation which leads to breakouts. If the liver is so weak that blood is never filtered efficiently even though hormone production is not increasing, then the skin problems can occur at any age.
Glowing skin starts from the inside and is achieved by taking a true whole body, holistic approach. It’s important to support your microbiome, digestion, stress, sleep quality, hormones and specifically your elimination pathways (which help all of the above function more smoothly and seamlessly!). That means supporting your gut microbiome, your hormones and your skin’s immune functions.
Microbiome:
Almost any modern human who is intolerant or allergic to some foods, most likely have some form of dysbiosis (dysbiosis = subperfect microbiome = damaged microbiome = imbalanced microbiome = gut flora that has been permanently changed due to the fact that some species that are suppose to be there have been killed by medicine), and some form of leaky gut (leaky gut = intestinal permeability abnormally high, which is usually caused by dysbiosis that lasts longer than few days, in other words chronic dysbiosis that often happens after use Antibiotics. Also an imbalance of “cytokines” (A type of protein that is made by certain immune and non-immune cells and has an effect on the immune system which can stem from opportunistic gut overgrowths of less-than-helpful bacteria) can irritate and inflame your skin.
Hormones:
Your body must be able to efficiently metabolise and excrete excess hormones like estrogen and androgens, so that your skin can show a healthy inflammatory response all month long regardless of your hormone fluctuations during your period. A couple of herbs that work are sage leaf and motherwort. Digestive bitters (help the liver to work more efficiently to break down excess hormones. They must come in to contact with the tongue to work properly. They are sold in health food stores under names like Grape Bitters, Swedish Bitters, and Ginger Bitters. Drink plenty of water throughout the day when using bitters since they do detox the body. Eating foods high in B vitamins since B6 is essential for detoxification of estrogens by the liver and they are best taken together in a complex.
Immune system:
Your skin has its own immune way to fend off microbial imbalances, but, the body needs sufficient levels of nutrients in order to drive these. Zinc is your best friend here. Slow to heal wounds also suggests zinc deficiency and possible lack of circulation to the afflicted areas. The best dietary sources of zinc are lean meats, liver, eggs, and seafood (especially oysters). Whole grain breads and cereals are also good sources of zinc. Zinc absorption, which takes place in the intestinal lumen, depends on the secretion of a zinc-binding factor from the pancreas.
So all in all there’s a difference between not wearing any make up and looking completely unpresentable LOL. The US are to blame for ushering the superficial changing the “beauty standards” for the majority and social media is to blame for every girl looking the same. If my face got ruined by a fire, what would my self worth be rooted in? We are way more than our bodies, in fact, it’s our souls that make us special. So no matter how negatively or positively you feel about your body, you are worthy and good. When I exercise, I practice telling myself I’m doing it for my health, not appearance.
Make up has been used for centuries, wearing thick dark eyeliner (kohl or kajal) has a very special spiritual meaning. The word kohl means “to brighten the eyes” in Arabic, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to wear kohl three times in each eye before going to sleep. Different colours represent different powers and the colour black specifically attracts, absorbs and holds negative energy. When the purity of white light passes through a prism, it separates into the visible colours, each of which has its own distinct wavelength. While the “fundamental essence” in unity is white light, the manifestation of Maya aka illusion in the state of apparent division is this rainbow. This also ties to the purposeful use of black sacrificial animals in traditions around the world for absorbing and removing negative energy, as well as in cultures that practice animal sacrifice as an element of worship. In Islam, the colour black is associated with evil and is mentioned in the Qu’ran seven times, the same number of gates of hell. Does this mean that you cannot wear black? Ofcourse not, even though the colour black is worn to mourn in Western cultures. On Yom Kippur (the holiest day of the year in Judaism), the high priest takes a goat and symbolically lays upon it the sins of the Jewish people, kills it and throws it out in the wilderness or off of a high place. The choice of a black goat is interesting in regards to the mystery of the spiritual significance of makeup as well. Cosmetics and weapons you may think are different but in reality they have a lot in common in terms of the end result. Skillful makeup used by women increases her ability to attract men exaggerating her feminine polarity in a way that is magnetising and absorbing, increasing the energy she draws from those in her environment. Females who embrace power and beauty, increase equally with the “femme fatale” effect of her danger to the impure around her and thus increases the observers tendency to blame her for his own faults and weaknesses, similar to the way a black animal has the imperfections and negativity laid upon it before being thrown out. In Islam, the story of Prophet Yusuf (AS) shows how Zulaika, who was already married and extremely beautiful, depicting the same character traits by seducing the Prophet (AS). The difference between male and female power is that the former is excitingly direct and the latter is beautifully subtle.
In China, it is said that males who frequently interact together in male groups tend to reduce their yang, individualistic nature. Whilst in Islam, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) instilled brotherhood by pairing one Muhajir (immigrant) with one Ansar. Ansar were members of the two major Medinese tribes, the feuding al-Khazraj and al-Aws, whom Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) had been asked to cordinate when in Mecca. On the other hand, females who socialise in groups harmoniously only increases the "juice" altogether therefore resulting in greater beauty (due to the feminine, yin, watery nature adding water to water). The less attractive female who interacts with a group of “beautiful” females eventually also becomes “beautiful”. Not just in the physical but mental too. This is because the more beauty one immerses themselves in, the more ones own etheric shell begins to take on the shape of beauty. Perhaps you have felt the calm rush over your mind when staring into the face of a beautiful woman regardless of your gender, when you don't allow the jealous, self-preserving ego to intrude and where your subconscious is striving to understand how to "appreciate" some of that beauty for yourself. Physical looks are a common attraction in this world but someone’s soul is what keeps the attraction fermenting, creating beauty from within. Confirming that “you are who you surround yourself with” is not just a myth.
A truly “beautiful” person has the intellectual capabilities of having a melodic air element, the emotional intelligence and communication skills of a harmonious water element, the drive and ferocity of the fire element and the stability of the earth element. On the other hand, any distortion of the physical form is a result of an internal moral defect. A person who is always angry or is never angry will have a distorted fire element and lack bodily luster in the case of a weak fire element, or will develop acne or oily skin from an overactive one, creating an imbalance. This is the theory and practice of many holistic treatments, which teaches one to achieve and maintain an elemental balance with harmony within their own body for health. By looking at ones diet, routine, emotional stressors etc this can be done effortlessly. It has also been observed that most individuals who place a severe division between libido and moral goodness often look unshaped or unsculpted or dull, in that they neglect their own vitality in fear or hatred of their libido so there is no hope of spiritual development, this is accentuated when partnered with the wrong spouse due to the imbalance of anger - fire element.
Period After Opening…
Most beauty products have a Period After Opening label right on the packaging. The above symbol lets you know how long the product is safe to use after the day of its opening.
For example, if a product is labeled 6M, this means the brand can only guarantee that the product is safe to use for up to 6 months after you’ve opened the product After this date, the brand can no longer guarantee you the safety or the effectiveness of the product. Anything past this date is too long to use on your face or body but its ultimately up to you if you still want to use it or not, maybe do a spot test or try it on other body parts first. The Period After Opening is different from the expiration date, aka shelf-life. Expiration date indicates the length of time a product will remain fresh and stable, despite it being left unopen and kept at room temperature.
Frugal Aesthetics…
The garms that you wear also plays an impact on your overal health. The fashion industry has been getting a free pass for too long. Something not mentioned is that many higher end designer pieces often end up in the landfill without ever being worn. They would rather discard it because marking it down "devalues the brand". Is a piece of clothing sustainable if it’s made of Earth safe biodegradable fabric, but made by a person who is not being paid a fair wage and being over worked? The biggest problem with fast fashion (in my opinion) is ethics, because that's how they keep their prices low, so they're less likely to fix it. These same garments create holes and bubbles in the material. In Islam there is a reason why we have to pray wearing clean clothing and not exposing one’s “Awrah”. I do not think that fast fashion can ever be sustainable, on a corporation nor cultural level. Those who run influencer agencies are either (a) unaware that they are manipulating the people they hire and is being manipulated by the brands themselves, or (b) is very much aware what they are doing but are blinded by the money and fake affection they gets from the brands. Both are equally terrifying. Just because no money is changing hands doesn’t remove the power dynamic. The brands can start to demand more and more under the threat of pulling their funding and if they do, then everything goes poof.
Spending wisely…
Our approach to money when purchasing is the main issue here and there is an interesting theory that I was taught. I grew up poor but lived in a wealthy neighbourhood, the individuals/families who were really wealthy understood wisdom, the necessity of being as inconspicuous as possible. This is of course due to concern for their safety but also people who aren't concerned with impressing anyone. The more you have the more you need to guard.
To give you some background information, there are three obvious reasons why people work. Firstly, to earn one's daily bread to pay for necessities. Secondly, to either become wealthy or famous, or thirdly to follow a dream, a true labour of love. The dream is to leave the first group, to go into the third but some people sometimes enter the second with no intent of making money and end up with a fortune by doing what they love, while those who chase after Midas riches never achieve them or only do so fleetingly and lose everything. Lasting fortunes come from taking an IDEA and adding "L" for love to form an IDEAL.
The money theory has two rules, find out what work will allow you to labour with love and the second rule is to give away half. After you pay your bills and provide for necessities, you give away half of your surplus. Take care of what provides for your personal requirements for happiness (which will vary by person and could be a castle in England for that matter) and then give away half of the rest freely. Let it go. Don't concentrate on accumulating, saving, or investing it. Yes, it goes contrary to everything you have ever heard about “saving for a rainy day” And yes, those rainy days will arrive, because you will attract them. You should give openly and freely, not cautiously and fearfully and not bragging to everyone how you give. And what you have given WILL return to you multiplied and in a completely unexpected manner and from a completely unexpected source. But it is key that you do not keep wondering about when and how it will return, having a charitable mindset is needed first. Give money; never loan it. It will return and not from the person you gave it to. The green energy of money travels in a magnetic circle. A small sum is only temporary. You have to start somewhere. If you have an extra twenty, give away ten. The billionaire families have unknowingly used this theory for years without consciously realising it regardless of whether you come from old money or new money. Yes, they mainly give for corporate tax breaks, but the thing about motive is that it doesn't matter, because once the magnetic circle of green energy is spun into motion, it can't be stopped; the motive doesn't affect the boomerang action of money's circular route and multiplied return. A fruitful abundant life is formed when energetic energies are balanced and full. I started this a long time ago and I have since then received sums of money from the most random places.
Authenticity…
Watching films whilst being home alone has been rather relaxing so re-watching some classics made me wonder. The whole perspective of the film “Dead Poets Society” is based on the romantic notion of "authenticity". Criticism on authenticity in that sense serves no purpose because authentic emotions could not be subjected to any "logical" analysis and therefore deconstruction. They are more of "qualia" in a sense. The stunning film's plot refers to an age when art and literature quality was measured upon mathematical symmetry (classicism) and contrasts that with the romantic ideal of the "unfathomability", or the sublime of the authentic emotions that could not be reduced to mathematical structures and measurement (otherwise they wouldn't be authentic). So in that sense the film makes a strong point, yet philosophically lags 150 years, as the rest of the Western pop culture. A lot of secondary school kids (including myself when I was in secondary school) hated English class because the teachers taught the standard interpretation of work that was given to them by the curriculum or their own interpretation of a work as the only "correct" one. It's natural to want to get to the deeper meaning behind something we love or hold importance in. And yes, wrong interpretations do exist in terms of "this is not remotely what the author meant/context matters", but just about any work can be read through lenses like Marxism, intersectionality, etc., and every lense has its own value. Instead of teaching teenagers to be anti-intellectual about English, we should be teaching them that you can be intellectual about your own readings and have your own opinions. When I chose English Literature as an A-level and headed off to college I was lucky enough to have a teacher very similar to Mr. Keating. He used to allow me to ramble on about my life, draw funny comic on the back of my homework, which pushed me to actually take the initiative, make me feel alive and worthy about writing. People who inspire me to be fearless, those people rarely get to any recognition, but to the ones they affect, they're superheroes. This is the type of effective teacher who is villified by today's system and ultimately an outcast. A good teacher is hard to find but a truly great teacher is not found online. My sincere gratitude to my favourite teacher, Bill Symes…
“Not expressing yourself might kill you” - Dr Gabor Maté
Lots of people talk about “finding your authentic self,” but very few people talk about what exactly this “self” which is set up as authentic, as opposed to some other version of a self deemed “inauthentic.” As Dr. Gabor Maté (which I highly recommend watching on Youtube especially during this time where the collective are rather depressed) condensed that what many of us worry that if one is truly authentic then he will be abandoned. How is it possible to find something without first enquiring into the thing itself which is to be found? Inauthentic us is what happens to us because of inacceptance by parents. For example, you don’t become authentic if you wanted to bunk off school all the time and your parents didn't let you, you become inauthentic. But if I love listening to metal music and my parents think it's from the Devil and I'm forced to listen to classical music, that seems inauthentic to me. Or if I cannot show my real self to a friend where we can only bond over certain subjects and not others because she will get angry and I continue to tip toe around the subject with her, then I'm being inauthentic. At least that is the way I understood it. Infact, the loss of connections are often the cost of authenticity, that’s why courage is such a huge part of standing in your truth especially when you have been through trauma. I detest the word “trauma” since everyone seems to suffer from “anxiety” now from “trauma” but for now this shall be the term that will be used. My authenticity was buried inside of me for a long time so when I recently and finally expressed my sexual desire’s to someone whom I trusted and felt closely comfortable with, I was completely shunned. When I act righteously, I don't feel shame - obviously. But to express this to someone who has zero desire for me? Ofcourse I felt sad, embaressed, more so humiliated because I thought I was accepted by the other person. Even more triggering as I hold higher standards for myself. I think feeling that it was okay to express this over fifteen years ago perhaps gave me the green light - cleary not. But as a human, I’d rather follow my heart and be wrong but I have to get back up embrace honest shame and accept reality because I’d rather take responsibility for my circumstances so that I can be empowered enough to change them, ask God for forgivness instead of wallowing in victim mentality. And if I don't deserve certain treatment, well then I bear it proudly and so greater will be my reward. And if I stress about hardship and persecution shame on me. Ofcourse what I did was not Islamic so do not follow what I did! Self love and shame was also a prominent theme in “The Virgin Suicide”, albeit their elicate dynamics, very similar to my upbringing, that keep a family “together” which clearly results in a tragedy.
Let me give you an impersonal example, when feelings of shame show up in a situation where you are feeling avoidant, but you want to achieve something, continuing to show up is so important. For example, if you feel shame in group situations but you enjoy doing what you do in the group, like learning a new skill, by keep showing up, the brain begins to realise that you can continue to learn this skill and you can also work on what happens to you in a group situation. It may not be comfortable at first, but it is possible and you may notice that you show your authentic self in different areas of your life. Personal responsibility for shame wins in the end. You can do this, move out of the shame hole and look at shame in the eye. None of this victim mentality. Neuroplasticity is key, the more you practice showing up in ways you want to be, you are making new pathways because your thoughts start to align with your actions, that is where the magic happens. The brain really is amazing.
Some may wonder “what if being authentic makes me feel abandoned?”, this may well happen and this is how I felt with my anxious attachment style, but as an adult this worry means that the suppression of so-called negative emotions, especially anger being surpressed in the immune system causing you to feel sick. Developing the courage to feel our feelings as bodily sensations is vital. It sounds simple but it is the most challenging part when we are triggered. We react, numb ourselves and develop personality disorders because we are so scared to feel. I would rather feel and overthink than to suppress anything in my body any day. The right people will understand so do not feel shame in any shape or form, and if you have done something really bad then I can’t help you, only joking LOL ask God for forgiveness! God is forgiving. And if you do not believe in God then find a way to join a group who accept you as you are who will help you flourish, practice inner child work, love your shadow self and embrace self concept. I recommend reading “The Child In You. The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self” by Stefanie Stahl. Find out what works for you. Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.
Warzone stressors…
Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people by an upsetting event happening in their lives that takes them by surprise, unexpectedly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of World War I had absolutely everything to do with the typhoid (the infamous enteric fever) and pneumonia that occurred killing millions. The war in Afghanistan have veterans committing suicide, heart disease, cerebrovascular accidents, diabetes, and cancer are the main conditions contributing to morbidity and mortality in the Gaza Strip. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means—a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death. Why are so many people across the world suddenly having their appendix removed? The appendix is associated with “being in fear for one’s life”. The healing phase is the rupture/inflammation. While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 A.M every night, you have little appetite. During the war, millions of people were (and still are) in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within two weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people all went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by Tuberculosis (TB) bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are, severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumour), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist then. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumour will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the majority of the major wars? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes. Millions of people suffered fear and death frights and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way. It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. Years later, you have campaigns, protests, using the media to spread it...
Know thyself…
To choose attachment over authenticity as a child and as an adult will destroy you, especially if you have not learnt any of the life lessons sent your way. To attempt to find who you truly are, you will need to first give up who you think you are. This is possibly the hardest thing you will ever do in your entire life. I am still learning this. Diffusing the bombs inside of ourselves by knowing ourselves better is important. We all too often unwittingly give our power and constructive energy away to others who can pull our triggers. The responsibility for that rests not on them but with us for allowing it to happen. And why does this happen when it does? This can only happen if we do not know ourselves and we can and should do something about this. Who do you seek validation from? your parents? your spouse? your manager? social media? Do you seek attention elsewhere when you don’t receive it from that one source? Are you truly content? Second, I really like the phrase "archeology of the mind" and the metaphor of the careful, patient archeologist doing the digging that needs to be done and then restoring the beautiful thing that was broken. The constant self improvement mindset also subconsciously promotes the idea we are “broken”, “not good enough” or “damaged”. Infact watching this might be insightful to understand which side of the fence you are on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph2Ddo36wC4&ab_channel=THEBESTS .
I’ve struggled with seeing through peoples facades. On my journey I’ve been somewhat naive and even gullible and fallen for all kinds of wily tricksters and wolves in sheep’s clothing so to speak, because I believe in people and want to see the best in them. But I understand now this isn’t always wise. And thus at times I’ve gotten stuck worrying myself with trying to discern the true nature of a person and whether they’re “good” or “bad”. As basic b*tch and simplistic as that may sound, I’m paraphrasing. You know what I mean. And so this saying about knowing who someone is by the fruits their tree bears just literally appeared in my head. Apparently it means that a good tree can’t create bad fruit and a bad tree can’t create good fruit. Something like that. We all go through bad times in life but how much beauty is a person creating regardless of their hardships? Is their life happy? Abundant (not necessarily monetarily)? Fruitful? Wholesome? Productive? Joyous? Divinely juicy and plump? Inspired? Full? Gracious and loving? Optimistic? Beautiful?
Or is it hollow? Empty? Fruitless? Depressing? Stuck? Miserable? Lacking abundance (not necessarily just monetary)? Superficial? Materially heavy and dense? Inspirationless? Envious and bitter? Pessimistic? Lacking in beauty? I feel like we all go through bad times but it’s that extended theme I’m talking about. Three things never stay hidden for long. The Sun, The Moon and The Truth.
Loading 2023…
The real New Years is actually March 21st, the Spring Equinox, which lines up with our natural rhythms, cycles and external cosmos. Nowruz, meaning “new day” starts during the Spring Equinox and Ramadan this year starts during this time also. The elite deliberatley moved us from a calendar that tracked time by the light in the sky following solstices and equinoxes when they invented the Gregorian calendar, (prior to this was the Julian calendar and then Lunar calendar) their attempt weakened us, confused our senses and offset our natural biorhythm.
I do not have a problem with the elite/Freemasons whatever you want to call them, I think they are playing the role of the bad guy and its necessary work they’re doing to make humanity grow the f**k up. I used to think too much about them to the point of maddness. There is no light without dark. There is a use to hide the truth. If it’s full display it might drive some crazy so I get why it’s earned, it’s as though you have to prove to this realm that you’re ready and responsible to receive it. I think they know this realm requires both ends of the polarity. People demonise them because they are like the VIP of a club that everyone secretely wants to go through to, but the secret is that you can. The mysteries are there for anyone who wants to stop being a victim and feeling like everyone and everything is out to get them. But think how many egotistical, crazy, tyrannical people there are who will misuse precious, powerful information. How many people who think they’re some sort of King who is in no way Kingly or honourable or fit or ready to manage such powerful information, who will utilise the magickal powers they obtain and cause absolute self-serving horror for many around them. I don’t know. Something does sit right with me surrounding maintaining some level of veil covering it all. I’d say the majority of people who think they’re Kingly or powerful or “special” or think they should be famous or known or whatever else… simply cannot handle it.Even lottery winners. Look at the fates of so many people who win the lottery and suddenly become very rich. They cant handle it. It’s wild. Everyone has very swollen ideas around their own potential. People go crazy when they discover power etc. they start acting very strangely and can cause a lot of damage. And so you don’t want to hand the keys to just anyone because they won’t be able to handle it. There ARE people who have trained mentally and metaphysically however who CAN handle this level of power and responsibility and influence. And they’re not always going to be able to keep their egos in check. But this is ALWAYS going to be the case. There will always be people with outrageous God complexes who think they know what’s best for someone else. But I think about it this way… when you have everything. All the money in the world and all the power you could possibly obtain… what do you care about? What is important to you? Perhaps the state of humanity. Creating a world where people take more responsibility for themselves and their lives and stop “holding the species back”. Some people look down on others and think they are better. But are we? How do you know? Better by who’s standards? You know? I don’t think I know what’s best for humanity. I don’t pretend to be able to see the full scale picture of the way things are going nor what is necessary for a soul. I’d say it’s necessary, simply because it’s happening. I trust that Gods plan is taking place at all times. That some people need to descend. The tree of life goes up and down. Both ways. No way is better than the other. That the worst things that have ever happened to me, quite literally horrific, terrible things… were some of the most important events of my life that have made me into who I am now who I absolutely wouldn’t change. Meaning I wouldn’t prevent those experiences from happening again should I relive or rewrite my life somehow.That could have driven me to suicide. And they very nearly did. But they didn’t. They became my strength. Instead, they reinforced my resolve with my life and my soul. And so if you deprived me of these experiences, you would be depriving me of my souls consolidation. And the meaning and depth these experiences offered my life experience. And so sometimes on a large scale, someone/something needs to play the role of hostile opposition. The bad guy. Predator. To cause mass awakening. Or mass ascension. Or mass growth. And that’s why I try not to get super moralistic and start talking about what’s right or wrong for people. Or what we should or shouldn’t prevent them from experiencing. I understand now that these terrible things I endured WERE God’s mercy upon my soul. They were blessings in the deepest of disguises. They brought me closer to God. They made me appreciate my life better. They made me believe in myself and own potential. And thus, I refuse to victimise myself. I entirely refuse. I see that every person is God in disguise. No exceptions. Either I believe that everything is God or nothing is. I know that everything is now.
It’s actually a joke to start “new beginnings” in the dead winter and that’s how “April Fools” began, to mock the ones still clinging to the old ways before the Vatican made the calendar switch. Not just because the first April is the first month of Spring or the first sign of the zodiac, Aries, the babies of them all, In Spanish the word for April is “Abril” and sounds like “abrir” which means to open. There is always darkness first before creation and seeds begin in the dark not when you see the sprout too. That’s why in December/ January you reflect yourself and plan and in March you start your plan.
But hey I started this year out a different person to the one I am today. The one I am today, I’m so proud of. I never thought I’d stand as strong as I do today.
We made it. Through sometimes unfathomably difficult circumstances. Through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The heart is indestructible. I know that now since I currently am writing this during a lowest of low with a broken heart. I know that I am worthy of love which I will get and over and over again, I continue to every day that I wake up and see the sky, the moon, the stars, the birds, the trees and the colours. All I know now is this, “Before I die, I want to be somebody’s favourite hiding place the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer and be absolutely certain that I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe” - Unknown.
I wrote so much on this blog/website and cooked it’s absurd how some of you have said that I have mentioned things which have deeply changed their view of life and ask me how I get through hardships without showing an ounce of it, are you really asking me? LOL I think the mad combo of being super disciplined amalgamated with sillyness is the receipe for getting me through along with following my heart. But all in all I think being blessed with gaining the hardships at a young age has set the tone for the rest of my life. But also removing the “destination addiction” theory, meaning that we always think once we reach a certain point in life, that will be the end all be all and life will finally be perfect but that’s never the case. The whole time we were supposed to be enjoying the journey and process not waiting until we get to the destination. I still can’t believe that my legal work was published internationally. Purchasing my car this year has made me realise how little things like sponatneous trips blasting music make my heart full. As well as laughing with my friends until my stomach hurts. Going on holiday with my mum. Changing my hair to golden brown. The longest funniest photoshoots. Eating high vibe food. I never saw those things coming. Any of it. And yes they all seem small and boring to the average person but it’s what makes me happy. It’s all been such a devastatingly epic journey. I have been working on a project for quite some time which will be fantabulous to launch soon. What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives havn’t even happened yet! It’s a privilege to be alive, to feel, to learn, to grow, to serve, to love, to laugh to cry, to scream, to make mistakes, to be wronged, to do wrong, to do right, all of it. Absolutely all of it.
I made so many discoveries and learnt so many mindblowingly profound things. I still have a hugeeeeee amount to learn about myself. I found so many invaluable, precious teachers and sources of wisdom. I felt closer to God! I’m going to spend the next years making it all worth it. God has been and literally always is so, so good. Thank you to quite literally everyone that blessed my path with your presence and featured in this timeline. Theres going to be a lot of distractions playing out on the world stage in 2023, it’s going to get noisy, Prophet Musa (AS) parted the sea, so you too can clear a channel from the noise and walk a straight path. You are the Moses and the sea. Get out of your own way and make 2023 one to remember, the year of embodied integration.